Newly Single? How to Financially Get Over Your Ex

Breakups are painful and confusing. All of a sudden, your life is completely different and you now need to deal with everything on your own — including financial matters. Even though your heart is bruised and mind is dazed, you need to take charge of your money and financially get over your ex. This is especially true if they handled the household budget or were the main breadwinner.

To avoid adding money misery to your heartache, follow these 10 tips:

Adjust Quickly

It’s natural to wallow in the pain, binging on ice cream and Netflix. However, you need to acknowledge your new reality as soon as possible. If you don’t, you could find yourself in a financial world of hurt. Once you’ve come to grips, you can make a plan.

Determine Your Living Situation

If you and your ex live together, you need to decide who stays in the house or apartment. If unmarried with the mortgage or lease in only one of your names, the decision is easy. But, if it’s a joint venture, you’ll need to partner on a solution.

For owned property, the fairest route may be to sell and split the proceeds. (Or, one of you could buy out the other.). If you are navigating a divorce, the terms of the divorce will decide what happens to the home.

For rented property, you’ll need to involve your landlord. They can make official changes to the lease so that you or your ex is no longer legally responsible for paying rent. If neither of you can afford the apartment on your own, you may need to consider advertising for a housemate, or break the lease.

Regardless of whether you’re staying or going, you need to consider the financial impact. If your ex is leaving, you’ll lose their income. If you’re leaving, you’ll lose their income and need to come up with the cash to move.

Take Stock of Possessions & Debt

A moment ago, everything was shared. Now, it’s a definite case of yours and theirs. Regardless of marital status, anything owned before the relationship typically stays with you. If you’re not married, you and your ex should divvy up items acquired together, or choose to sell them and share the profits. Joint bank accounts should be split fairly and then closed. Further, if you incurred debt together, you should divide responsibility for the balances and close those accounts (preventing your ex from racking up more debt you’d be liable for). Typically, unless there is a dispute, legal intervention is not required.

If you’re getting divorced, depending upon where you live will determine you can seek legal assistance on how assets and debts are divided  (prenuptial agreements will have an impact as well). Be sure to understand the terms of your divorce or custody arrangement, if applicable, so that you can take advantage of everything that you’re entitled to.

Tip: Don’t forget to change the name on the utility accounts! You don’t want to be responsible for paying for electricity, heat, water, or internet after you move out.

Open Up Your Own Accounts

To move forward, you need to completely separate your finances from your ex. After closing your jointly held asset and debt accounts, open up any new ones that you need. Make sure that anything tied to money is in your name only.

Make (and Stick to) a Budget

You’re now in charge of running your own household and need to set a new budget to reflect that. Add up all of your expenses, including debt payments. Then, add up all of your income sources, factoring in alimony/child support, if applicable.

If your income falls short of your expenses, you need to make quick adjustments to your spending/find ways to increase cash flow. And, even though it’s tempting, try to avoid post-breakup retail therapy, which could cause you more grief and regret.

Tip: If you’re new to budgeting (or are a little rusty), try using a worksheet like this. There are also countless online tools and calculators like these that can help. 

Update Legal Documents

Unless otherwise required by the terms of your divorce, now’s the time to take your ex out of your will and off of your list of beneficiaries. Be sure to update these documents and name new beneficiaries.

Understand Tax Implications

If you’re divorcing, consider speaking with an accountant to see how your tax liability will change. Generally, single people pay higher taxes. If your income tax withholding is set as “married,” you may want to adjust it by filling out a new form with your employer(s).

Revisit Your Retirement Plan

Since you’re now flying solo, you should re-evaluate your retirement plans. Of course, a lot can change between now and your golden years, but you should ballpark how much money you’ll need if you’re just covering yourself. If you’re divorcing, retirement plan assets accumulated while married are subject to division as part of the proceedings. This monetary gain (or loss) will impact how much more you need to save. Finally, if you’re going to be financially strapped for awhile, consider if it makes sense to suspend contributions to your retirement plan until you’re back on your feet.

Keep Tabs on Your Credit

Your credit situation will change as you close some accounts and open others. Keep a close eye on your credit report to make sure all activity reported is accurate. If you haven’t already, remove your ex as an authorized user on any accounts that you’re keeping.

Tip: If you think your ex may purposefully use your cards, consider changing your credit card account numbers or freezing your credit.

Get Help

If you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed, ask for help. This is a difficult time and there are resources to make this transition easier. Your family and friends can offer support, encouragement, and distraction from the current drama. Community services can connect you with food, housing assistance, career development resources, and more if you’re feeling pinched. Finally, professionals can help with the legal, mental health, and financial planning aspects of this challenging chapter.

Since every situation is different and laws vary widely from state to state, you’re encouraged to seek the advice of a qualified professional before taking action.

Final Thoughts

Ending a relationship is one of the most difficult parts of the human experience. In a way, your world is ending. But, in a way, it’s just beginning, too. If you follow the tips in this article and lean on your support system, you’ll be well on your way to owning (and loving) your new single, empowered life.
This article was originally published at HiCharlie.com 

Preparing for Autumn

   October is finally here and the air is already beginning     to feel fresh and cool. I've been more aware of the             autumn this year and as usual I've been preparing ahead for the cooler weather. 

  Creating a warm vibe is something I love the most             about  this time of year, that's why I love having extra         blankets in the main living room so we can all be warm and cosy while watching our favourite tv shows, talking endlessly or watching a movie. I also have on hand a couple of water bottles these are great for soothing aching muscles, tired feet or if your feeling a little run down can help for comfort and warmth. 

  Now is a good time to start a car weather kit, Normally   my kit will contain de-icer, screen wash, a car scraper     for snow or ice, a blanket, a pair of warm driving or        fingerless gloves and a micro fibre cloth. Its really        handy to have just the basics as in the UK the weather can go from one extreme to the other.

Autumn hues and scents is something I really adore,   I love to switch my normal fruit smoothies to a vegetable heaven, my most favourite is carrots, mixed with coconut milk, nutmeg and cinnamon, blended together make a perfect smoothie and can be enjoyed hot or cold if your not worried about calories for a little treat add

condense milk or a drizzle of honey.

I can not talk about Autumn without adding a luxurious hot chocolate. Options Belgium mint and white hot chocolate is my favourite flavours, there is something so alluring about the intense aromas that makes me feel warm and relaxed. 

Creating a Capsule Wardrobe

Capsule styling is something I've been doing for a few years and I've found it so effective when  it comes to styling pieces that I totally forgot I own. Typically speaking for me the rules are endless as I enjoy playing around with my  style, colours and textures depending on my lifestyle and the changing  seasons.

Why I find capsule living easier

I tend to work with around 45 items of clothing and shoes excluding bags and  accessories, this is because I wear very little jewellery and own a small selection of handbags, The way this works is to organise first by taking out any items that are seasonal  and place them in storage containers or somewhere where you can access them at any time, then try organising your closet by colour and not type, this way not only does it look more streamlined but, it has a polished feeling and its easier to select an effective colour pallet. Normally my capsule wardrobe will run for 2 months, however I will swap out a few items that may not be working due to the weather or lifestyle changes.

Take a couple of hours to really think about your style and how practical each item is with your lifestyle, this way you can build your wardrobe on items that you know you will wear you may find it helpful take into consideration any social or family events.

Its really important to have fun and be creative, capsule styling can be difficult to get right especially if your a beginner but, it really can be an effect way to spend less time thinking about what to wear and more time enjoying and exploring life.

Family days out that are cost effective

For many parents its always difficult to take your children on days out and not spend a lot of money.
I do feel that many parents are unaware of free or inexpensive activities that are available in your local communities.

Community centres/family and children's centres are great starting points. These centres offer so much in variety especially for families with younger children, most sessions are free, and have a great range of play and stay sessions, book/readers sessions. baby massage, advice on caring for your families teeth and so much more. Many centres also work closely with adult education colleges, schools and professional organisation like phycologist to offer courses for parents that can range from first aid, healthy cooking, identifying domestic abuse and behaviour therapy. Staff here are highly trained there is so much to learn so don't be afraid to ask questions.

Along side the sessions some family and children's centres offer a toy library where you can borrow toys for free. I can not honestly stress enough how this has helped a great deal, specially if you are a family that are living in a small space or on a budget. Children grow so quickly and, there is nothing worse than spending money on items that are expensive and, bulky when you have the option to borrow them. Toys are in excellent condition and cleaned after each use. For more information access your local council/community website.

If you live near a local library then try to head down there to see what's on offer. Libraries have evolved over the years and  not only are they free but, they offer endless information and resources. Books are free to borrow, some libraries also offer a range of board games, audio books, pc and internet access, newspapers, magazines and DVDs  however, you may find that DVDS come at an extra cost. Libraries often offer toddler play sessions that involve sensory play, arts and crafts, music and story time and as a bonus my local library also offers the children light snacks that consist of fruits and a heathy option drink. Book sales of old books where you can  purchase books for yourself and your children prices normally range between 10p-£1 a great way to add to your bedtime story collection.

Parks are a great open space that provides fun for all the family and can offer a wide range of activities and educational fun. Try and choose a park that has a lot to offer, you may find a pond, a conservation area. outdoor gym, tennis courts, ping pong table, insect garden,  interesting art and, sculptures, a relaxing garden and a play area.

Seasonal arts and crafts are an excellent way for your children to express there creative talents. You will find that these are sometimes free or at a small cost for entry and are located locally.  They normally run during kids holidays  and a great way for children to explore different colours and textures.

Take a trip to the museum, your kids will love navigating the endless technology and displays. Fun puzzles and hunts are also part of the experience, along side interactive fun with buttons and computers packed with loads of new facts and historical information,. In the UK most museums are free and if a cost is required is a very small contribute.

If you live in a city and are lucky enough to have a city farm then do go and check them out. You will find that many are run by charity organisation's and, require a very small donation, they are often smaller than other farms but, are a great way to introduce your family to farm animals and, most will  have a coffee shop and a play/ picnic area, where your children can have some fun after visiting the animals.

Go swimming although there is a cost involved this is very minimal and probably one of my favourites for families who  have children of differ ages. Bonuses Include  qualified  life guards. heated pools and you will normally have a training or children's pool  and a pool for older children and adults.  Many pools have swimming aids like floating toys, sinkers and floats/noodles are available for everyone to explore, however if in doubt you can always bring along your own for extra fun. You can add swimming into your routine by going weekly or a monthly treat, Swimming is also a great source of exercise and can be soothing if you suffer from aching muscles.

To complete your day, remember to bring plenty of light snacks and water to keep hydrated,  for the sunnier days a small amount of change for ice cream is always a must have.

Relationship goals - Work Life Balance lets discuss

Specific goals are an important element to any relationship, whether you have determined you are going to be life long partners, get married or you choose to co-habit its really important to know each others direction in life.

My Guide and Goals 

Travel
Location
Finances
Health
Education
Children
Love, feelings and Intimacy
Work life balance

Creating a better Work Life Balance in your relationship (exploring date nights)

Over the years I've learnt is its important that you both take time out to talk about what's on your mind, and what you would like to achieve collectively while taking into consideration your personal achievements and how you would like your partner to support you with your journey.

The art of relationships can be a complex, but a joyful experience and finding ways to make it work
for you both can sometimes be challenging.

Often many couples are faced with the situation where they struggle with work life balance, working in demanding jobs and juggling, children, hobbies, having a social circle and maintaining a relationship .I'm opening this up for discussion. I would like to know what your ideas are on relationship goals, focusing with the topic of work life balance.

One theory is to have a selective day or days a week where you focus on just your commitment to each other. This can often be called date night or a couples weekend. These nights or long weekends can be exclusively about spending time re connecting, and talking about anything that comes to mind.

You many want to think about location this can often be determined by the seasons or weather for example during the winter you can choose activities like ice skating, going to watch a theatre production or simply trying a new eating experience.

Think outside the box, we are often programmed into this world of doing something cause we see other people enjoying that particular activity.

A lot depends on budget of course, discussing things your aspire to do can also be beneficial, as some activities take a little more careful planning. These can range from wine tasting, helicopter rides, horse riding, bike rides or hiking or having a music session together.

There are so many experiences you can enjoy as couple that can be life changing and not only bring you closer together, but it binds your element of trust and team work- actives such as climbing, abseiling, orienteering to name a few are activities that require team bonding and trust.

Alone time at home can be a more intimate affair, you can prepare a meal together or order a meal for delivery. When we choose to stay home we often use a food delivery service or buy foods that are easy to prepare, this is because the idea is our time is limited together and I would much rather spend as much quality time together as possible with very little distractions. Think about the mood, and set the tone, music, lights, smells can be elements to explore.

One thing is for sure, creating a work life balance within your relationship is achievable, with carful planning, dedication and communication.

Let me know your thoughts?