The Relationship Rat Race Part 1

 

Ask anyone I know and they will tell you I could write  a book about my chronicles on dating and relationships. 

I’ve been so confused about romantic relationship and how we sail through them without loosing our minds 

My man is my partner in everything, for every purpose in my life he plays a part in building a strong foundation , he lifts me when I’m low, he raises me when I’m high, he helps me understand his world,  his life his feelings, and helps to create a safe place for us to grow and flourish. 

In so many past relationships I literally focused on what I thought I wanted. I wanted to mirror others people relationships based on what I thought was the norm. I used comparisons, searched high & low for couple goals on social media and listen to every relationship podcast I could find.

My thoughts on what a relationship needed to bind it together was built on everyone else’s idea and not my own. I felt like I was going around and around in circle with one failed relationship after another believing i was in capable of loving again. 

My attitude towards dating has changed, I choose to be bold, I say what I  want and if it no longer suits I get out, I armour my body with iron clad protection of fear of damaging my beating organ. I laugh hard but I always have the last laugh. 

The Law of the Bitch

I’m often referred to as the silent one , the person who talks less but over thinks life. I’ve been rattling my brain to wonder why they say silent river runs deep.. what is the true meaning .. 

I’m I honestly the over thinker, so deep and concentrated in the process in everybody’s life, I forget about myself. The women who drowns herself in reels, and reels of tasks, never being vocal about what I want in fear I will disappoint , always trying help and support everyone without casting judgement, trying to be a friend, a mother , girlfriend, a daughter and so forth. I have so much self guilt, I feel like I’ve failed to deliver on so many levels , I feel trapped and suffocated, I’m my own worst critic often questioning my worth and questioning my ability to deliver. 

As each task unfolded I’ve realised , I can no longer be soundless and tranquil.  I needed to become the speaker , the women that amplified her voice and the narrator for others who may feel lost and drowning  feeling  like they have to take on the world,  when actually that is so far from the truth. 

I’ve always envisioned, the hard faced person , that took no shit, the women that elevated not only herself but her family and friends a women who stands her ground and a women who is  not just simply existing but a women that is living, her life, dreams and has her own destiny. 

I’ve come to realise that pleasing everyone is something I cannot achieve. Why, because I’m only one person, and it’s honestly that simple. 

Navigating our way though adulthood has never more mind boggling, the daily grind has never more complicated, and mentally & physically draining. I’ve decided my life my rules, that’s  my law, that’s my inner voice finally raising to full capacity and, thats  what I live by these day.